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There you are, readers, teachers, students, teens, and anybody I missed. Bright Hub Education helps students with resources for completing English homework, including literature summaries and word origins. In fact, if you have a lighter, making the assignment flaming balls instead of regular rumpled-balls adds to the excitement. If you have a question about proper formatting or English grammar rules, Purdue's OWL makes a smart place to find your answers. Biographical Dictionary allows students to search databases for bio data about historical figures and people influencing current social events.  The resource is maintained in a Wikipedia-esque format that allows users to post information. Home Instruction Schools compiles search engine links, and other homework help sites, so users needn't go far to secure all their homework answers. Use Bathroom Passes. These are always great innovations; I’ve seen teachers use slips of paper, to paper slips, to small pieces of paper. Yes, I can definitely imagine how funny a hidden camera video of, say, the bungee cord tip would be. It involves calling each student’s name and waiting for an answer. Using a Seating Chart. This method is where you look at the desks and see who is absent, cross-referencing it with a seating chart provided by the teacher. Because of the legal implications, I’m not going to say much more, but I will tell you that some sort of electrical charge should stimulate the student’s brain pretty fast.

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Emergencies happen, but not very often. They let themselves be cast as “substitutes”. Utilize notes on students. If the teacher was kind enough to mention that you should ‘watch out’ or ‘be wary’ of, say, student Butch, then utilize this. This might not actually accomplish anything, but I figure if you read what the teacher thinks of Butch to the class, they will find it hilarious and will instantly respect you more. The coffee won’t actually taste good, but it won’t kill you, either (because the school knows that some substitute teachers are simply not ‘in the know’, and would drink the coffee). Much of this section was left out due to common sense (hopefully, you know not to wear polyester-it’s flammable). Who is talking?  Guess what?  The speaker was a compassionate, young seventh grade girl. Go to a smarter school that appreciates the value of good, reliable, proactive people. If nobody answers, it is likely because they are absent (see “Attendance”). The trick is to park a rented U-haul truck so it can be seen from the classroom windows. If you forget, though, when they show up with the negotiator make sure to ask for a full-time teaching position. If I was older and a subsitute teacher I would totally use half of these, for real, just for kicks and have a hidden camera to catch the fun in action.

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We have reviewed and compiled a list of online homework helpers, separating them below into appropriate age and subject matter groupings. However, if you take, say, three paper clips a day, in a few millennia you will have enough to become a door-to-door paper clip salesman (assuming, of course, that in future millennia there are still doors, and not some amazing and frequently re-released Apple product instead). Then, you can take away the candy and give an hour-long lecture on accepting food from strangers, and why it might encourage strangers to give away food continuously, leading to their death by starvation. Earthquake/Earthquake drill. This is one where you are required to stay in the building, cowering under desks (which, by the way, have any number of unneeded metal supports to prevent you from doing so). I must say, you have a grand sense of humor. This is made easier by the fact that teenagers are usually still at the beginning of class, and by the fact that any number between 1-5 is believable, and unverifiable, by people above you on the administration ladder. Common ones include no weapons, no drugs, no alcohol, and no school-sold soda. Gamequarium lets kids learn math by playing individual, topical games that impart knowledge in areas like algebra, addition and money math. The Sandbags. A more durable option than the newspaper, sandbags will usually keep you safer. Then, of course, hand it to the messenger and inform them that you don’t have that student in class (but if you did, he is probably the one in the back with the pencil sticking out of his ear). Simply sell advertising to a number of pharmaceutical companies, because those companies only advertise to people who have no strong demand for those products (children’s shows, major league sports, etc.). I’ve heard one must hear a word at least 10 times to ‘own’ it. Who invented numbers? What are prime numbers? Parents should not compete head-on with today’s distractions, but rather try a different tactic.

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Although if you aren’t a teen, worry. Butch, however, will probably try to poison your coffee, so you should make sure he is aware that you don’t drink coffee. Misdirection. This depends mostly on facial expressions, and will endear you to the students (and should be combined with #86). Always be prepared, remember?  Also, changing your name and moving to another state would also be a good idea at this point. Use the Desk. The teacher’s desk can be hidden behind, but I really mean that you should not hesitate to use the supplies found on top of it. Stay vague and general. Disregard names entirely. Someone who shows up late to class, is wearing a backwards baseball cap, and doesn’t have their homework is usually a good choice. Johnson, sub, isn’t a US citizen!” and “Sub Mrs. The student that finds it gets a prize (the prize is getting to keep the staple). Bonus points for hitting a students face.

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Of course, if you catch them watching the sports game on their phone, be very offended. Scholarly writing follows strict guidelines, so EasyBib outlines documentation protocol for homework papers.  Various styles are explored, and a helpful tool creates bibliography entries for you. If they are gone for more than five minutes, research paper writing price list your phone on Ebay and wait for the student who borrowed it to buy it back and return it to you. Thus, if you are looking for the power button, look for this symbol. For added entertainment, attach this clause in bolded, all-caps size 24 font and see all of the forms still come back signed.